3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
