carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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