Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
