he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
