I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize