Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
