If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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