just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
