In the future we'll all be gay
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize