All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
two words: eviction party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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