margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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