brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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