yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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