Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
