I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
