Why does Corona taste like a burp?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
