These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
