also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
last night I used snow as a chaser
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
