pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
