Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
