Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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