Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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