I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
