If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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