Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
