there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
