You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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