my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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