He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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