if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
