my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
