She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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