It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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