I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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