dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
