Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
