you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
