areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
