I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
