so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
