I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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