About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
