I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
