Do you still have your period?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
