At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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