Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
