If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
