Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
