sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
