apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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