I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I need water and some morals
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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