My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
