i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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