Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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