It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
