somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
