he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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