Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
