so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
