I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
