You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
