my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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