Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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